Standard of Living Post Divorce

A recent study, done by the Institute for Social and Economic Research in Great Britain, showed that men improve their standard of living after a divorce while women sacrifice theirs. According to the study, this difference is particularly striking when the couple has children, because the children are more likely to live with their mother. Even to this day, according to statistics most mothers earn less than their husbands and end up paying more child care expenses after a divorce.

The study may have correct results but I’m not sure it took any other factors into account other than money. Personally, I have seen how hard it is for men to get a fair chance in divorce court and after all is said and done, even though they may be saving money, the study does not take into account the emotional scar left on many fathers after a divorce is complete. It is true that in most cases the children are more likely to live with their mother, and thereby no amount of money will replace a father’s lack of contact with his children. Often times fathers go from seeing their child every day to seeing them every other weekend.

Also, I believe that the study may have been alluding to the fact that the non-custodial parent has a higher standard of living post-divorce, regardless of whether that parent is the mother or the father. However, I’ve seen cases where the non-custodial parent has to leave the marital residence where the custodial parent and the children will be residing and have to go live on their friend’s couch or on the street for a while because they can’t afford to pay for two residences.

In conclusion, the study may in deed be right, but in my opinion missed the many complex factors that determine an individual’s standard of living other than money. I really believe that whether you are the custodial parent or non-custodial parent your standard of living post divorce has a lot to do with the person that you are and the representation you had during your divorce. If you are a strong and resilient individual with strong counsel, your rights will be protected, your relationship with your children will not be diminished, your financial assets will be guarded, and the problems in your marriage that lead to the divorce will disappear, leading to a higher standard of living post-divorce.

Until Next Time,

Helen M. Dukhan, Esq., LL.M. @ www.dukhanlaw.com

Overwhelmed Mothers: The dangers of asking for Help

Lately, I have been encountering Family Court cases where children are being removed from their homes, their parents, families and friends because their single mothers are overwhelmed, either by juggling her children, work, and daily life or because she just felt like she could not do it on her own. These single mothers sought help from agencies offering home making services or counseling services.

So, I started to think about the message being sent to single mothers struggling to take care of their children. Why would any single mother ask for help if she will only receive such help at the expense of her kids being taken away? The single mothers, who voluntarily seek out help from agencies that are supposed to provide resources for the best interest of the child, end up having their children removed from the house because they sought out assistance. So, in essence we are punishing these mothers for doing the right thing. However, when the mother does not receive help and something bad happens to her child because of it, we are incredibly quick to condemn the same mother and think the worst of her.

In New York, pursuant to section 1024 of the Family Court Act, A designated employee of a city or county department of social services shall take all necessary measures to protect a child's life or health including, when appropriate, taking or keeping a child in protective custody, without a Court Order and without the consent of the parent or other person legally responsible for the child's care, regardless of whether the parent or other person legally responsible for the child's care is absent, if (i) such person has reasonable cause to believe that the child is in such circumstance or condition that his or her continuing in said place of residence or in the care and custody of the parent or person legally responsible for the child's care presents an imminent danger to the child's life or health; and (ii) there is not time enough to apply for an order.

According to the law, it does not seem like a mother stating she is overwhelmed and requires assistance taking care of her children would warrant a removal without Court order, but it is happening all of the time now. It is true that some of these mothers state they are overwhelmed and due to their inability to cope they have thoughts of hurting their children. Well, then I agree with the agency and the removal of the children in order to give the mother a break and provide her with certain services to alleviate the unhealthy thoughts. However, this is not always the case.

It’s a shame that resources are limited to single mothers, and on top of that they cannot even ask for help from the agencies that are supposed to provide the limited amount of resources available because their children may be taken away and placed into foster homes as a result. The system is becoming too sensitive or overburdened, and it’s a shame as the real victims are the children getting taken out their homes where they feel safe and loved.

So, I have recently been asked to teach a Parent Education class and a class for children on how to cope with their parents’ conflicts or struggles, provided by the Brooklyn Family Court, and gladly accepted in the hope that maybe I can make some parents feel less overwhelmed with the Court process and every day life and teach children certain coping mechanisms they can use in their every day lives.

Until Next Time,

Helen M. Dukhan, Esq., LL.M. @ www.Dukhanlaw.com